Day 4- Bitwixt and Between
At sixty, I realized that I no longer wanted to be doing what I was doing. I was burnt out, bored, and worn out. At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do next, and quitting my job without a new position in the pipeline was scary, but I felt I have marketable skills, enough experience, and a good track record, so finding a job would not be too difficult. I was wrong.
Three years later, here I sit, in a state of “betwixt and between.” Not ready to stop working but, apparently, not very employable.
I am not sure if you have heard the saying Betwixt and Between; it means “not fully or properly either of two things.”
That’s where I find myself today, Not young and not old. Years of experience and successes, but not precisely what firms are seeking. People are not seeking out the average sixty-something to join their teams- unless we have a perfect pedigree. Top school or comes from a “Fortune something” company or leads a successful start-up.
I don’t want to talk about why people like me have such a hard time getting a job; I’d like to focus on what people like me have to offer.
There are three things older workers bring with them, experience, maturity, and perspective. These are attributes that typically come with time. There is no shortcut, no class to learn them, and, most importantly, there is no substitute for experience, maturity, and perspective.
On the whiteboard above my desk are several quotes from people I admire. My favorite is from Michael Jordan- “I have missed more than 9,000 shots. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” We all learn from our failures, misses, and mistakes. Learning is more about trying than knowing. Think of the things you do well; how did you get to the level you are today? You tried, failed, and learned. Now think about how what a forty-year career can do for one’s knowledge base? Workers with a lifetime of experience can leverage the mistakes, misses, and failures of their lives in ways that less experienced workers can. Failure teaches us patience, sparks innovation, and educates us. The more we fail, the greater our success.
When I say Maturity, what I mean is Emotional Maturity. This is different from emotional intelligence. Emotional maturity is not “intellectual”; it refers to a higher state of self-awareness, something that lies beyond intellect. It’s possible to have emotional intelligence but not maturity. Emotional maturity is about controlling our emotions, being present while being in the moment, and not being reactive or judgemental. I believe that people who show up in this way are typically labeled wise. We what think is wisdom is more often emotional maturity. This is, in my opinion, one of the greatest gifts a self-aware purpose-driven older worker brings to the team.
Perspective is our view of the world, what we see, hear and observe. Perspective allows us to use our experiences in a variety of ways that build and support emotional maturity. The more we experience, the greater our perspective. Like a computer, we gather and store data. That data then informs future decisions, emotions, and actions. The more data, the better our perspective and more experiences to guide us.
We all have biases, and these biases play into our perspective. We often allow our biases to influence what we see, by what we expect to see, or by what we want to see. However, failure, maturity, and perspective allow us to see past our biases more easily. They allow us to question and learn, change our minds without regret, and avoid the trap that comes from too narrow of a perspective or the influence of others. As we age, we can teach ourselves to see beyond our biases and think like scientists. To tune out the crowd and look more critically at the facts. Most importantly, people who are operating at this level tend to epitomize the old saying- “it’s always better to do the right thing than to do things right.”
